Break over me, and steer me from loneliness

Acts 6:15 "All who were sitting in the Sanhedrin looked intently at Stephen, and they saw that his face was like the face of an angel."

This is the end of chapter six. Stephen was arrested and was being questioned about things he had said and done. All of them were false, yet the Sanhedren had him arrested.

Stephen did mighty works, and this was the end of his life. Being questioned by people who didn't care for him. Who hated him. Just thinking about the loneliness he was feeling made me think of times of my own loneliness. I've been dealing with loneliness lately. I sometimes feel that I have the whole world on my mind and on my heart. I can feel so empty. Stephen should have received a trial. A trial for his sins, failures, or shortcoming. His actions that had effected others negatively. You fill in the blank. Stephen stood up in front of the teachers of the law. In front of the Law its self and was being question about his actions and words. Even in front of the rejection of his own people, God stood with him. In that lonely place where you can feel so void. The Holy Spirit was there as a ever present peace. I sever a God that is a warrior. Who fights, seeks, explores, and protects. Stephen stood in that court and was full of a warrior's heart. When he was asked to give his opinion he did. He began to speak and set up his case. But he doesn't defend himself. He speaks to the heart of the matter. The bravery and aggression in stephen is something I admire. He didn't give into loneliness, rejection, or depression. His oppression, he did not carry, a man full of confidence.
The point, when the world came down on him. He lifted up his eyes. Letting the hurt go... He surrender himself completely, letting God fill his void. There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. No Condemnation! He still shined on stephens face.

"Come and shine on me Lord. Come and fill me with you. I just, surrender all to you. Take me away from this court of accusations and bring me to your home. My Father, you have never let me go. Break a new bread of me tonight and drink a new wine for me. For Father I plan on coming back from where I left."

I heard there cries

Exodus 6:5-8

5 "I have also heard the groaning of the Israelites whom the Egyptians have enslaved; and I have [earnestly] remembered My covenant [with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob].

⁶Accordingly, say to the Israelites, I am the Lord, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will free you from their bondage, and I will rescue you with an outstretched arm [with special and vigorous action] and by mighty acts of judgment.

⁷And I will take you to Me for a people, and I will be to you a God; and you shall know that it is I, the Lord your God, Who brings you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians.

⁸And I will bring you into the land concerning which I lifted up My hand and swore that I would give it to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; and I will give it to you for a heritage. I am the Lord [you have the pledge of My changeless omnipotence and faithfulness]."

Well first off what do you say? What can you say. How humbled we really are. This is in the sixth chapter of Exodus. Moses has already been to the burning bush and has come back demanding the freedom of his people. When Moses tells Pharaoh this he does not listen and instead put a heavier burn on Israel, because of Moses's action. Moses than goes to God asking why? To which God replied this.

What we say? These three verses mean so much to me. I was reading exodus and these three verses just melted my heart. Moses goes to Pharaoh for the first time and he gets denied. Then he goes to Israel and then gets denied. Moses takes his denial to God, who reminds Him that He has heard there cries. How do we view God and does our view limit His ability to save us? For four hundred years Israel view of Gods covenant was that it wasn't practical, then for some reason they realized that they don't have to deal with bondage. God is not passive, but He is aggressive. He heard and came looking for His people. Searching and seeking for them. When Moses came with confusion and doubt God shoved that (Exodus 6:5-8) in His face. Our God is so confident and bold, yet we confine Him to be meek, weak, and uninformed of our present situation. How I need deep conviction to see God as He is. How thirsty is my heart for humility. I long for the deep satisfaction of my creator's hands on me.

"Lord set me free from chains of my bondage. And give me the balls to speak your thoughts"

The problem with the Church

The problem with the Church is that it to self-centered to communicate with its Creator.

Who I am

I've been thinking about who I am, and the Identity with in me. So I made this list of my core values.

1. I always want to do the right thing
2. I want to be a hard worker
3. I want to be attentive to details
4. I want to be informed
5. I want to Sacrifice & give of myself
6. I want to always be myself, never holding back
7. I want to lead people to communication with God, mostly the saved
8. I want to be accountable

What else could I add?

He still Trusts me

Kings 1:1-4 "When King David was old and well advanced in years, he could not keep warm even when they put covers over him. So his servants said to him, "Let us look for a young virgin to attend the king and take care of him. She can lie beside him so that our lord the king may keep warm" Then they searched throughout Israel for a beautiful girl and found Abishag, a Shunammite, and brought her to the king. The girl was very beautiful; she took care of the king and waited on him, but the king had no intimate relations with her. " (NIV)

The king was dying and his servants hired a virgin to keep him warm. I assume she did this by lying down naked next to him. I say that because when you have hputhermia you need body heat, not more cloths or blankets. I know this from baywatch, (I know, shut up).

I was think about this passage a lot. King David is dying and a pure woman comes to lie down next to him to keep him warm. Sounds to me a lot like the Holy Spirit. How He comes as a comforter and helper to us. He keeps us warm in this cold, cold world. This cold body. What I thought about while readind this passaged was that king david never was intamite with her. If she she and him were naked togther to keep warm, it never went futher than that. He kept it safe, and made it trust worthy.
How many times do I recive this type of deep trust from the Holy Spirit, a lot. I need Him, because I am dying in this world, I need Him. He keeps me warm, with hope and power. How often do I abuse this trust. I will frequenly want pleasure, over trust. I can be so self-centered and filled with the wants of me. I can abuse that intamic and I must learn from david. To keep it safe and holy. I am so abusive to his greatness. He is to great and wonderful for me.

"Holy Spirit fall upon me. Fall on every part of me and my life. I need your mercy and grace, not that I can keep falling, but that O may be able to stand against myself and all of its lusts. Father, father me and guide me in your ways. Always be with me, you'll never let go.w2

If I make it back

Luke 14:5 "Then He asked them, "If one of you has a son or a ox that falls into a well on the Sabbath day, will you not Immediately pull him out" "

Jesus is at a pharisees house. Jesus asks this before He healed a man on the Sabbath.

If my family or friends fell in a well would I help them out? Would I do it immediately? I am a fearful man. The boy that I am is not the man I want to be. I miss Masculinity and I miss leadership. I miss my voice. I miss myself. 08 stole so much and only fear remains where passion, discipline and justice once stood. But I will grow and I will purge this darkness. I am an overcomer and I will fight with all my heart to win this battle. I will never compromise, only in the name of Jesus.

"Father heal this boys soul. Create the atmoshere and the climate for it to thrive. Wash away all my sins and rasie me up, only with your son. If I make it back, it's only because of you, Father"

How I've been

I know I have not posted in a while. Thank you though for still coming to my page to see what God has been doing in my life. I've been dealing a lot with fear lately and it has been effecting my life since November of 08. I'm still dealing with it, so prays are gratefully appreciated, but it has been a difficult couple of months.
But... God is always faithful and I am still leaning a lot from Him. It was cool a couple of days ago one of my friends was dealing with demonic troubles. Nothing much, just mental warfare and I was able to help her through it. Basically, some spirit was in her car and wouldn't leave. It was difficult at first just because I was dealing with pride, but I don't think it was me. I think that it the spiritual powers at play, but I was able to overcome that, then overcome what ever was in her car.
It was nice because I felt like a father again. I have not been through something like that in a while, like a couple of months.
Other than that I've been going to school and working. School will be hard, but I have faith in God over it. Not that I can get good grades, but that I may do my best, and He is faithful. I might work with the boy scouts this summer as a chaplin, I might do it. I just don't want to be politically correct. I feel like it's a price tag over me, I hate that thought. But I will be able live in the woods for eight weeks. So whatever, Gods will.
I need to work harder at reading and studying scripture, so that a goal. Well I love you, all out there in blog land. Enjoy my life journals
-Josh