Why?

Why do I have to be adult, in most situations in my life? I'm done with people's crap. I'm the youngest, why should I have to be the one who confronts. Does anyone care about me? Does anyone have the courtesy to ask? Why is it so hard to be in my family? Why do I have to Lead it? I hate selfishness with all that is in me. Why must you always talk about yourself. You leave no room in conversation for me to breath my hurt, my pain. You have a problem and wont even admit it, nor will you ever see it. You've gone so far that you don't even trust me anymore. STILL, Yet will I still pray for you. It will take more than this for me to give up, You're my family, my blood, a person a care to deeply for. I love you so much. Please let God change your Heart. We all are hurting from the divorce, can't you see that? You just don't care about the family. Why?
-Chubbs


Five years going strong worm, when will you stop contending with God & men and come and rest? You are loved and people do care.

"Answer my Prayer, O'God"

I was doing my Dev. today and was writing my prayer for the day. I went through it all, then at the end of it I said, "answer my prayer, O'God". Then the Lord spoke to me reminding me how selfish it was to ask that. He wanted to know if I meant it as me saying, "Lord your Will, as long as you just answer it" or "Me forcing my will upon Him". Needless to say I was humbled this morning. Love ya.
-Chubbs

"For Those Who Wait"

Acts 1:4 "And being assembled together with them, He commanded them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the Promise of the Father, Which," [Jesus] He said, "you have heard from me;"

Jesus is just about to ascend into Heaven and He is speaking to His disciples, telling them to wait at Jerusalem.

I have so many needs in my life. It's easy to not be aggressive in my prayer time. Then because I'm not aggressive I become very passive with my needs. I need God to be Masculine, I need signs of Love that are just for me, I need heart from Him, I need Him as an all consuming fire to consume me. My need will only be filled when I push for it in prayer, but it is only for those who wait. And that wait should not be neglected, but honored. It creates suffering, and Love suffers long.

"Lord give me grace. Grace when I'm not aggressive with you, nor when I don't wait. Have grace on me."

Ready for a Fight

Nehemiah 4:17 "Those who built on the wall, and those who carried burdens, loaded themselves so that with one hand they worked at construction, and with the other held a weapon."

Nehemiah is rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem. Sanballat, Tobiah, the Arabs, the Ammonities and the Ashdodites conspired to put a stop to Nehemiah's plans. So the Israelites had to be ready for a fight at any time of the day.

I think that this is a perfect symbol of a Christian. One hand they constructed, the other they held a weapon, ready for a fight when who ever came knocking. We must work hard at rebuilding the walls of our heart, but do not be ignorant towards the evil that waits for you. Do not fear the battle, but anticipate the victory. Work hard at rebuilding yourself, and be ready for a fight. Peace comes only after a war. You must fight and you will win.

"Lord I open my heart to you. Search me deep down inside and show me who I am, not what I am."