Love jealous one, love

Mathew 5:23-26
23"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

25"Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.

This is Jesus sermon on the mount.

Peace at all cost is a phrase that keeps running through my head I would read this. Many times we can get so justified in our ways that we forget to reconcile ourselves to one another. Reconciliation is fundamental element in Christianity. God came and reconciled himself with us on the cross, not because we deserved it, but because it is who God is. He desires mercy not wrath, love not hate.
If you have anyone you need to make amends with, no matter who fault, or whatever reason you can think of. Remember to wash your brothers feet. Love, seek peace, and give of yourself. Don't let pride declare victory over you.
Love jealous one, love

"Forgive us for forgetting to love. I surrender all to you, resurrect yourself within me"

We are not Gods!

Revelation 4:10 "the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne, and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:
11"You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being."

This is what John saw right when he got caught up.

When they saw him they threw down there Crowns. "We would not even come to Him if He didn't even draw us" (Two Tress in the Garden). What Crowns do we wear in the presences of God that we refuse to give up or let go of. I just hope that my heart is still soft to His voice. He is the leader, and I am only someone He granted to lead with, together. Sometimes when we made choices in this life it's easy to make decisions about our life's direction based solely on wisdom. What's the right decision, the right thing to do, the right place to go. Sometimes though, the decision are really about probability. To increase the probability that are life will come out okay. Well find the right job, spouse, Life... and we will leave Jesus at the fork in the road of life, when life began to become burdensome.
We can really be self-centered, and only care that at the end of are life we will be okay. Where is the Faith in that, or the Love, the Hope in Christ? We can do great things in this world and leave Christ behind. The crowns we wear can be so foolish. We are not Kings by birth, We are not Gods! We are nothing without Christ. Jesus follow God all the way to the cross. Let us strive to be selfless, and truly make God the focus of our lives.

"I never want to leave you again. I never want to make a decision without you again. Lord, I know that when I look at you healing fills my soul. I am not a sinner. My heart is good, and I am not condemn by you. You have made me up right and I want to lead with you, not against. I surrender once again. Fill me"

Finding a Constant

John 18:1-11

I look up to that. Under the weight of life I can find rest in that. Not because of the story, but because Jesus lives inside of me. No longer will I fold under the pressure weighing me down, I just can't. Jesus truly is greater than the world. He overcame the weight that was given to him, he overcame the ridged-ness of the hearts of men, he concord my heart and I've surrender. How can he stand up to that betrayal with such heart? I honor my Savior. There is no one like him, truly no one.

"Come through for me again, Father. Come through like you always do. I've fought and fought and I just can't seem to win. Is it pointless for me to continue? Why have I lost so much? This battle is to cruel for my heart. I can't shake it and it is consuming me. Come through for me once again. Remember me, remember my heart. I long for you, O'lord. There is no one like you and no one can come close. Only you can clean the hearts of men. Only you redeem the minds of men. Take my heart, take my mind, take all of me. Under all this weight, I give it all to you. Take me home under your wing."

Never give up

^{Acts 27:18-20 " 18}We took such a violent battering from the storm that the next day they began to throw the cargo overboard. ¹⁹On the third day, they threw the ship's tackle overboard with their own hands. ²⁰When neither sun nor stars appeared for many days and the storm continued raging, we finally gave up all hope of being saved."

This is at the end of the book of acts. Paul is going to Rome to be tried as a Roman for blasphemy, I think. Anyway, so there sailing to Rome, when a violent storms comes up out of no where and just attacks the ship. They start throwing stuff off to lighten the boat for hopes of redemption, but to no avail. Finally they throw the ship's tackle off and gave up all hope.

A ship's tackle is the gear that is used in ship. So like ropes for sails, compass, etc. If you ever get caught in life or death situation where you need to live off the land for many days till rescue come, the will to survive is all that matters (thanks, surviverman) . How long can you still content, at peace, at rest when your life has a storm? How long can you survive? Some people think they can, because they can. Hard mind, hard heart, a die hard, and you'll go the way of the Dodo. We can't survive alone, we need manna, and so when life comes down hard don't throw your tackle off your life. How are you supposed to get home with no tackle, with no ropes or a compass? You'll be lost at sea.
Never give up on prayer and others praying for you. Never give up on scripture. And most importantly never give up in worship, for it's worship that sustains us.

"Lord redeem me. Redeem what I've given up on. Help me get back home. I'll set my eyes on you, for you are my true north. Draw me close and remove all my carnality. Empty, and fill me back up with you savior."

I'm more blessed than I deserve

It's a good day
Worship was excellent
Friends are great
I always love to hear Justin
Especially his prayer
When you get more done than you thought
and can overcome the neediness of the heart
It's a good day, today

Natural

Every day, I step up to the plate
I've work hard before hand
I can hit the ball
I've hit it so far
Today I struck out
It's easy to look down
Because no ones around
Will this record stop repeating
Can I once again hit the ball out of the park
And be the man that I am

Just chatin

Hey everyone. Once again I hope that you're all enjoying my blog. I recently started to publish my poems on it. I'm not that good I know, but hey I don't care. So I been through one of the most difficult times of my life. And I'm not talking it up. This year started off amazing, because although I'm grateful for last year, it wasn't what I had hope for. So when 2009 came a lot had changed. Four things came into my life that was like a breath of fresh air. 1) I met a girl named Cory 2) The boy scouts asked me to be a Chaplin for one of there camps this summer 3) I finally stared taking Business classes at west valley 4) I was able to score a position at my church to help lead there young adults group (college).
The week after my Birthday (March 5th) the year was destroyed. The girl that I was becoming friends with, I realized that I was giving to much of myself to and had to take a step back, very hard. School became a nightmare and five of the six classes I'm taking up'ed the work load times ten. And the position at church fell through, because the young adults group was being cancelled.
09 came without mercy to my house but I didn't fight the hurt. I took it and didn't avoid it. But this year will be great I know it. I can't wait for the redemption of this year. It's only april and I am still gratefull for who I am, who I've become, and where I'm at.
Last night I was able to hang out with my cousin. She is so awesome, and so fricken bright. I've been hangin out with an old buddy named luke, who by the way is getting married soon. We went capming and fishing. And last weekend we went to Pizmo where we crashed his car and I cracked my nose. I been worshiping a lot more, and coming closer to God. A lot of good is in this year so far. This year is hard, but God is so faithful not to save me from pain, but to grow me. This will be a good year.

a good day

I am sustained again
Being held together by healing hands

I quit fighting the weight of the wind
I quit resisting all the sorrow

I can rest again
Being held together by healing hands

The oppressing weight is still here
I quit resisting all my sorrows

My Question

Do I meet what is asked of me at my age?
Do I live up to the bar that has been set before me
How does a man know
And where will he go

Do I meet what is asked of me at my age?
Are you proud of me father
Are you happy with the choices I've made
I've tried so desperately to be your molded clay

Do I meet what is asked of me at my age?
Family, do I make you smile
Do I bring healing to your tears
Your weight from all the years

Do I meet what is asked of me at my age?
My life is a story of great love and pain
Have I taken it all in vain
All I can see is all the hurt and pain
Do I live up to your name?

The skeleton

The enemy is outside my castle
His sword is drawn
I have a trader inside
Ready to trade at dawn
I miss her so
I miss her delight
Her hug was my light

You shall not pass!

Exodus 14:19-21: ¹⁹And the Angel of God Who went before the host of Israel moved and went behind them; and the pillar of the cloud went from before them and stood behind them,

²⁰Coming between the host of Egypt and the host of Israel. It was a cloud and darkness to the Egyptians, but it gave light by night to the Israelites; and the one host did not come near the other all night.

²¹Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and the Lord caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night and made the sea dry land; and the waters were divided.

This is when Israel was delivered from Egypt. This is after the plagues and Israel is being lead out to the red sea. Pharaoh is coming out after them to enslave them again.

So this is the end. Finally... long and awaited, but it came. No matter how much of a grip pharaoh had, or how much Israel desired to be slaves again, God brought them out to a promised land. God is faithful, and loyal to the end. I was reading this and seeing how it was the angle of the Lord that went from the front to the back of Israel to stand in between Pharaoh and Israel. Egypt is a representation of our flesh, our carnal side. When I was reading this, I felt so humbled. I began to think of Gandalf from the first part of the Lord of the Rings. The part where he is standing in front of that huge monster, on a bridge protecting the others from it. His famous word, "You shall not pass!". With saying that, he shoves his staff into the bridge and sacrifices himself for the others.
It is God that protects us from our carnal side. He is the one that delivered us from the slavery that it had on us. We must be delivered from our flesh. To many Christian's simply give up to early, or they forget to remember there covenant. God comes to separate light from darkness, good from evil, spirit from flesh. Don't give up to early and remember your covenant that you have. No matter what we say or do, it simply does not matter God will save us, always. I feel that it's easy to forget. But remember that it was Jesus who stood in between Pharaoh and Israel, not letting them pass.

"Father what have we done? How empty we are, we really are. Holy Spirit we keep you at a distance for our indulgences. Fill our bodies with your spirit and renew are minds. Free us from the bondage of our flesh"

Don't fence me in

Luke 4:18-19
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to release the oppressed,
¹⁹to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

This is where Jesus is speaking about himself, who he is. It's early on in luke, so the birth, then John the baptist, then this. Jesus is quoting the old testament. He does this, or luke writes this because he wants the world to know why Jesus came, him purpose.

He came to set the captive free. Are you free? Really, are you? I yearn to be free. With everything that is in me a want to live and be alive, not bound and tied down. I use to read this passage and see it as a passage about spiritual warfare. Christ came to set us free, so demon leave! But now. Now I see it differently. Yes, free from demons, always good. In fact, most of our warfare in life is spiritual, yet I want to throw a curve on freedom. I live in a country that is free. I love my land. I can do, say, think anything I want to. I can go where I please. I can go west without permission, because I'm free. The value of freedom I hold with tight hands, never to loose its grip. I find that in life freedom is not so. There are mindsets, habits, & inexperience that one must deal with. Few people ever survive. A great quote from Braveheart, "All men die, few really live".
Are you alive, free and moving? Christ came to set us free, but more than just demons, the devil, the world, and hell. I feel fenced in. I don't like it. I hate being what people want me to be. A nice guy, or a really cool person, or God forbid, a Pastor. I don't want my identity to be known. I want to be myself, and nothing else. I want to be able to move west and be free to do so. Without being bound by being the nice guy. I want freedom. Don't fence me in. Don't try and trap me and make me perform for you.
I want dignity, honor, strength. I want to love all with all the kindness there is. I want to give hope. I want to be myself, dress the way I want to dress, be who I want to be. I'm tired of performing for the actors of this world, and I want to be compelled by one. He did create me to be me, to be free. Don't fence me in. I have so much to give to this world, yet I feel fenced in like a wild animal. Don't fence me in.

I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences
I can't look at hobbles and I can't stand fences
Don't fence me in.
-Cole Porter

"Jesus you came to set the captive free. Lord it's only you who has the power. You were the only one who emptied himself. Teach me to be me. Teach me to fight right. Teach me to love and teach me how to manage my ship. Going as I please"

Break over me, and steer me from loneliness

Acts 6:15 "All who were sitting in the Sanhedrin looked intently at Stephen, and they saw that his face was like the face of an angel."

This is the end of chapter six. Stephen was arrested and was being questioned about things he had said and done. All of them were false, yet the Sanhedren had him arrested.

Stephen did mighty works, and this was the end of his life. Being questioned by people who didn't care for him. Who hated him. Just thinking about the loneliness he was feeling made me think of times of my own loneliness. I've been dealing with loneliness lately. I sometimes feel that I have the whole world on my mind and on my heart. I can feel so empty. Stephen should have received a trial. A trial for his sins, failures, or shortcoming. His actions that had effected others negatively. You fill in the blank. Stephen stood up in front of the teachers of the law. In front of the Law its self and was being question about his actions and words. Even in front of the rejection of his own people, God stood with him. In that lonely place where you can feel so void. The Holy Spirit was there as a ever present peace. I sever a God that is a warrior. Who fights, seeks, explores, and protects. Stephen stood in that court and was full of a warrior's heart. When he was asked to give his opinion he did. He began to speak and set up his case. But he doesn't defend himself. He speaks to the heart of the matter. The bravery and aggression in stephen is something I admire. He didn't give into loneliness, rejection, or depression. His oppression, he did not carry, a man full of confidence.
The point, when the world came down on him. He lifted up his eyes. Letting the hurt go... He surrender himself completely, letting God fill his void. There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. No Condemnation! He still shined on stephens face.

"Come and shine on me Lord. Come and fill me with you. I just, surrender all to you. Take me away from this court of accusations and bring me to your home. My Father, you have never let me go. Break a new bread of me tonight and drink a new wine for me. For Father I plan on coming back from where I left."

I heard there cries

Exodus 6:5-8

5 "I have also heard the groaning of the Israelites whom the Egyptians have enslaved; and I have [earnestly] remembered My covenant [with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob].

⁶Accordingly, say to the Israelites, I am the Lord, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will free you from their bondage, and I will rescue you with an outstretched arm [with special and vigorous action] and by mighty acts of judgment.

⁷And I will take you to Me for a people, and I will be to you a God; and you shall know that it is I, the Lord your God, Who brings you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians.

⁸And I will bring you into the land concerning which I lifted up My hand and swore that I would give it to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; and I will give it to you for a heritage. I am the Lord [you have the pledge of My changeless omnipotence and faithfulness]."

Well first off what do you say? What can you say. How humbled we really are. This is in the sixth chapter of Exodus. Moses has already been to the burning bush and has come back demanding the freedom of his people. When Moses tells Pharaoh this he does not listen and instead put a heavier burn on Israel, because of Moses's action. Moses than goes to God asking why? To which God replied this.

What we say? These three verses mean so much to me. I was reading exodus and these three verses just melted my heart. Moses goes to Pharaoh for the first time and he gets denied. Then he goes to Israel and then gets denied. Moses takes his denial to God, who reminds Him that He has heard there cries. How do we view God and does our view limit His ability to save us? For four hundred years Israel view of Gods covenant was that it wasn't practical, then for some reason they realized that they don't have to deal with bondage. God is not passive, but He is aggressive. He heard and came looking for His people. Searching and seeking for them. When Moses came with confusion and doubt God shoved that (Exodus 6:5-8) in His face. Our God is so confident and bold, yet we confine Him to be meek, weak, and uninformed of our present situation. How I need deep conviction to see God as He is. How thirsty is my heart for humility. I long for the deep satisfaction of my creator's hands on me.

"Lord set me free from chains of my bondage. And give me the balls to speak your thoughts"

The problem with the Church

The problem with the Church is that it to self-centered to communicate with its Creator.

Who I am

I've been thinking about who I am, and the Identity with in me. So I made this list of my core values.

1. I always want to do the right thing
2. I want to be a hard worker
3. I want to be attentive to details
4. I want to be informed
5. I want to Sacrifice & give of myself
6. I want to always be myself, never holding back
7. I want to lead people to communication with God, mostly the saved
8. I want to be accountable

What else could I add?

He still Trusts me

Kings 1:1-4 "When King David was old and well advanced in years, he could not keep warm even when they put covers over him. So his servants said to him, "Let us look for a young virgin to attend the king and take care of him. She can lie beside him so that our lord the king may keep warm" Then they searched throughout Israel for a beautiful girl and found Abishag, a Shunammite, and brought her to the king. The girl was very beautiful; she took care of the king and waited on him, but the king had no intimate relations with her. " (NIV)

The king was dying and his servants hired a virgin to keep him warm. I assume she did this by lying down naked next to him. I say that because when you have hputhermia you need body heat, not more cloths or blankets. I know this from baywatch, (I know, shut up).

I was think about this passage a lot. King David is dying and a pure woman comes to lie down next to him to keep him warm. Sounds to me a lot like the Holy Spirit. How He comes as a comforter and helper to us. He keeps us warm in this cold, cold world. This cold body. What I thought about while readind this passaged was that king david never was intamite with her. If she she and him were naked togther to keep warm, it never went futher than that. He kept it safe, and made it trust worthy.
How many times do I recive this type of deep trust from the Holy Spirit, a lot. I need Him, because I am dying in this world, I need Him. He keeps me warm, with hope and power. How often do I abuse this trust. I will frequenly want pleasure, over trust. I can be so self-centered and filled with the wants of me. I can abuse that intamic and I must learn from david. To keep it safe and holy. I am so abusive to his greatness. He is to great and wonderful for me.

"Holy Spirit fall upon me. Fall on every part of me and my life. I need your mercy and grace, not that I can keep falling, but that O may be able to stand against myself and all of its lusts. Father, father me and guide me in your ways. Always be with me, you'll never let go.w2

If I make it back

Luke 14:5 "Then He asked them, "If one of you has a son or a ox that falls into a well on the Sabbath day, will you not Immediately pull him out" "

Jesus is at a pharisees house. Jesus asks this before He healed a man on the Sabbath.

If my family or friends fell in a well would I help them out? Would I do it immediately? I am a fearful man. The boy that I am is not the man I want to be. I miss Masculinity and I miss leadership. I miss my voice. I miss myself. 08 stole so much and only fear remains where passion, discipline and justice once stood. But I will grow and I will purge this darkness. I am an overcomer and I will fight with all my heart to win this battle. I will never compromise, only in the name of Jesus.

"Father heal this boys soul. Create the atmoshere and the climate for it to thrive. Wash away all my sins and rasie me up, only with your son. If I make it back, it's only because of you, Father"

How I've been

I know I have not posted in a while. Thank you though for still coming to my page to see what God has been doing in my life. I've been dealing a lot with fear lately and it has been effecting my life since November of 08. I'm still dealing with it, so prays are gratefully appreciated, but it has been a difficult couple of months.
But... God is always faithful and I am still leaning a lot from Him. It was cool a couple of days ago one of my friends was dealing with demonic troubles. Nothing much, just mental warfare and I was able to help her through it. Basically, some spirit was in her car and wouldn't leave. It was difficult at first just because I was dealing with pride, but I don't think it was me. I think that it the spiritual powers at play, but I was able to overcome that, then overcome what ever was in her car.
It was nice because I felt like a father again. I have not been through something like that in a while, like a couple of months.
Other than that I've been going to school and working. School will be hard, but I have faith in God over it. Not that I can get good grades, but that I may do my best, and He is faithful. I might work with the boy scouts this summer as a chaplin, I might do it. I just don't want to be politically correct. I feel like it's a price tag over me, I hate that thought. But I will be able live in the woods for eight weeks. So whatever, Gods will.
I need to work harder at reading and studying scripture, so that a goal. Well I love you, all out there in blog land. Enjoy my life journals
-Josh